I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
