I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
