What a fucking waste of an outfit
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
