At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
