I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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