please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
