2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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