did you get engaged???
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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