The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
