I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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