I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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