Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
