There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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