Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
