Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
