The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize