I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
