So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
