i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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