Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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