The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i've created a new STD.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
