I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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