Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
