i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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