you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
