if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My cat gives me a boner
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
