Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
