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Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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