I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sponge bath it is.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
