It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
