Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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