Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
