Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize