so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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