Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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