Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
