I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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