know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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