I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
