you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
