you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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