Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
