omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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