4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
