Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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