so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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