you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
