That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
