I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
