I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
