youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
