bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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