I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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