1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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