I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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