If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
