No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
