his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
