I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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