pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize