I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
