As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
