roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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