We won't sleep together?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
