And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize