glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
