Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
