she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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