Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
