Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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