I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
there is glitter all over my balls
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
