you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
