my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
