I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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