Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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