I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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