i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
