Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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