On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
