A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize