fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
