I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
