My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
