I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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