This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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