one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
