omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
