So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
