jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize