Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
