i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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