Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize