she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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