Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
