I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
