jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
