i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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