DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
