His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
