no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
