They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
