Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize