This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
