Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I supernannyed him into submission
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There's even glitter on my cock...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
